Family Law Attorney Belleville, Illinois

Helping Adult Children During a Gray Divorce

Illinois couple seek divorce in retirement

Divorce is hard at any age, but the right lawyer can help

Waiting to file for divorce until the children are older may not lessen their grief the way parents often hope.

In Illinois, so-called "gray" divorce (ending a marriage at age 50 or older), is often traumatic for adult children. It can cause them to distance themselves from their parents and the parent-adult child relationship may suffer, according to mental health professionals.

It can be difficult to settle anger and hurt feelings during and after a divorce. However, finding a way to have a cooperative or supportive relationship with your ex can benefit your children no matter how old they are.

Choosing a good divorce attorney is often key. The best divorce lawyers can lessen tension and fighting. The wrong one can ratchet up spite and anger leading to a longer, more painful, and expensive separation.

Co-parenting adult children of divorce

You never stop being a parent, mental health pros say, so you should never stop "parenting" or "co-parenting" when there is a divorce.

However, many people with parents who divorced later in life say that their parents do not have any type of relationship. What these people are really saying, though, is that their parents have a bad co-parenting relationship.

When people divorce later in life, young adults ages 19-37 can feel trapped between parents. They often feel pressure to choose sides. This can weaken a child's relationship with both parents in addition to their personal sense of well-being.

Tips for a 'good' gray divorce

Here are some tips for adult children and their families:

  • Find an outlet for grief and anger. All children, regardless of age, deserve the opportunity to mourn the painful end of a family unit. It is important for them to discuss their feelings with other family, friends, or a therapist.
  • Set boundaries. Even when children are adults, it is a lot to burden them with the emotional pain of a divorce. To keep your relationship healthy, do not expect inappropriate levels of emotional support and financial aid from sons and daughters.
  • Establish new family activities. Adult children of divorce often mourn the demise of family traditions. New family groupings should get together to create new, enjoyable holiday experiences.
  • Self-care is important. This is always true, but in moments of grief, it is especially important to be good to yourself. Adult children of divorce often feel burdened by the task of taking care of their parents and siblings in addition to themselves. Make sure to take care of yourself even in difficult times.

Illinois no-fault divorce

A parent's job is never done, and when divorce is involved, there is even more work to do. While even a "good" divorce can be difficult, a "bad" one can be catastrophic. This is why it is important to demonstrate an amicable separation - even when your children are adults.

An experienced and strategic Illinois divorce lawyer can help make the dissolution of marriage as painless as possible. Courtney Clark Law P.C. gives divorcing clients a supportive and rewarding experience. We work with you to understand your goals. Our law firm takes a no-nonsense approach to getting you the resolution you deserve while also being sensitive to how divorce affects families.

Illinois is a "no-fault" divorce state, which means a spouse does not have to prove a reason for a breakup. If you are considering or are ready to go forward with a divorce, contact our law firm for a free case consultation. At no expense to you, a member of our team can answer your legal questions and help weigh your options.

Divorce is never easy, but we can help you find your way forward. From our office in Belleville, our knowledgable attorneys provide divorce and related services such as business division, child support, alimony, post-judgment modifications, and more. A member of our team is available to hear from you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Contact us today.

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