As joyful as the holidays ought to be, they’re never easy for parents, and especially not for parents who are divorced or separated. The holiday season means navigating your custody situation, shuttling the kids from home to home, dealing with time away from school, and seeing relatives with whom you may have complicated relationships.
The good news is that you can go into the holidays with a plan in place to get through it all. If you’re struggling with co-parenting during this time of year, keep these tips in mind.
Stick to your parenting plan
A comprehensive parenting plan should account for the holidays. There are many ways divorced or separated parents choose to handle the holidays, whether that’s alternating holidays every year, splitting the holiday itself (morning at dad’s house, afternoon at mom’s, or vice versa), or celebrating together. What’s best for each family depends on the family dynamics, physical distance, and so on.
If your co-parenting plan includes holiday custody, then you should follow it. Otherwise, communicate with your co-parent to coordinate this year’s holidays—and consider putting a permanent plan in place in time for next year.
Talk to your co-parent
As discussed above, this is particularly important if your shared custody agreement doesn’t include holiday custody, but even if it does, you still need to communicate with your co-parent about schedule and logistics. Who will transport the kids? When and where will they be picked up and dropped off? How will you navigate any difficult dynamics with friends and relatives? These conversations are particularly difficult when the divorce is recent and raw, but they’re also all the more important.
Talking to your co-parent may not be easy, but remember, you’re doing this for the kids. The experience of a smooth holiday season in which they’ll feel loved and cherished by both of their parents is irreplaceable.
Then, talk to the kids
It’s important for your children to have clear expectations going into the holiday season—which can be as stressful for them as it is for the adults in their lives. It’s also important to give them something to look forward to! Once you and the other parent are on the same page, make time to talk to the kids about your holiday plans, celebrations, travel arrangements, and so on.
Just as importantly, listen to the kids’ concerns and expectations for what they want out of the holiday season. Make sure they feel heard, and if possible, incorporate their ideas and wishes (within reason) into your plans. Be prepared for some emotional moments, though; the holidays can be difficult for children with divorced parents since they may bring up memories of what it was like for everyone to be together.
Coordinate gift-giving
The silver lining for kids with divorced and remarried parents is that they often have plenty of adults in their lives who want to give them gifts: parents, stepparents, grandparents, step-grandparents, and so on. As a parent, you need to take the lead on coordinating gift-giving to ensure that your kids don’t inadvertently end up with five of the same thing! It’s also important to communicate any expectations and requests about gift-giving to grandparents and extended family, such as “the kids need more winter clothes at dad’s house” or “nothing that makes noise when they’re with mom.” Communicating proactively can help to head off awkward moments on the holiday itself.
Be kind to yourself
The holidays can be a stressful time for anyone, and they are often particularly difficult for divorced parents. It’s natural to be frustrated about the more challenging logistics of shared holidays. It’s also normal to still be grieving the relationship you lost and the future holidays you planned on celebrating with your former spouse. Give yourself room to experience and cope with those feelings. Remember, you need to take care of yourself before you can be there for your kids.
If you’re dealing with a divorce or child custody dispute, our law firm can help
Family law issues are never easy to navigate, but the right attorney can make all the difference. If you are going through a divorce with children or navigating a legal dispute about child custody in Illinois, the experienced attorneys at Courtney Clark Law, P.C. can help.
We’ve been serving Belleville and southwest Illinois for decades, and we’re prepared to listen to your story and explain your options. Give us a call or contact us online today. We can help you find your way forward.
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